Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
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