Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
