K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
