I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
