I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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