I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Randomize
