She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
