She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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