"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
