Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
