Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
You had me at "let me see your balls"
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Just puked most of my soul out..
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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