That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
