I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
