Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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