I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
