Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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