Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Randomize
