handjob tips. give me some.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Randomize
