I think my vagina is haunted
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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