You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
