Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
