You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
