I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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