Already got asked if we're dating
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
