I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
