Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Randomize
