You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
