one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
