people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
