batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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