Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
