It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
