We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
