It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
