lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
