You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
