I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
