Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
