Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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