i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
You dont lie about slip and slides
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
