Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
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