we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
