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The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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