Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
