Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
