he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
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