it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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