I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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