thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
They are going to name an STD after you.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
