i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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