I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
only you would photoshop your dick
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
