So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
