Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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