put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
