Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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