Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
