You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
