shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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